


Kosmo, The Asshole

by oldmythologies



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Kosmo is an asshole, M/M, Mutual Pining, Prompt Fill, can Shiro's Ass be a character, matchmaker kosmo, no beta we die like men, who wants keith to get dat ass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-28 21:04:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15715059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oldmythologies/pseuds/oldmythologies
Summary: In which Kosmo decides it would be fun to steal Shiro's clothes and give them to Keith, because Keith probably wants to see Shiro naked. He's HELPING.Prompt fill for ashinan <3





	Kosmo, The Asshole

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ashinan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashinan/gifts).



> Many thanks to ashinan for this wonderful prompt! It was going to be like 500 words, max, but here we are. HERE WE ARE.

Keith woke up to a flash of light, a _whoosh_ , and Kosmo blinked into his bed. He groaned, shoving his face into his pillow to ignore the day.

“’s too early, Kos, go to sleep,” he whined, his complaints muffled by the bedding. Kosmo laid something down on his bed and panted over Keith’s face.

“Go to sleep.”

Kosmo laid down, huffing his terrible breath into Keith’s face, but otherwise settled down. Keith let out a sigh of relief.

Until he heard a knock at his door. Kosmo perked up and Keith groaned. Maybe they would just go away.

The knocking sounded again, this time followed by Shiro’s voice.

“Keith? Uh, is Kosmo in there?”

The sound barely made it through the walls. Kosmo’s tail thumped against Keith’s leg.

Keith blinked awake, throwing the blanket over Kosmo to shuffle over towards the door.

“Yeah?” He yelled back through the door. Why was Shiro asking for Kosmo so early?

Keith opened his door with a yawn and rubbed the crust out of his eyes. When he finally focused, his mouth got stuck mid yawn. Maybe he was gaping, maybe his jaw just dropped to the floor, who knows, but when Shiro was standing in front of him with nothing but a hand towel around his waist, he couldn’t be blamed.

Shiro shoved past him, out of the empty hallway and into Keith’s room and _oh my god Shiro is naked in my room_ was really the only logical thought in this situation.

Shiro gave him a smile, a blush, and _oh my god the blush does go that far down…_

“So, uh,” Shiro rubbed at the back of his neck with the hand not currently keeping himself semi-decent, “I think Kosmo may have… uh… taken my clothes?”

Shiro pointedly looked at anything but Keith, who scraped his jaw up off the floor in time to see Kosmo shaking the blanket off of himself, revealing a pile of Shiro’s familiar uniform.

Keith sighed. He knew it was too good to be true.

“Kosmo? Did you steal the nice man’s clothes?”

Shiro laughed, and _oh my god can you please not laugh when you’re naked, please._

Kosmo waged his tail, picked up a piece of clothing in his mouth, and jumped off of the bed to proudly place it at Keith’s feet.

Shiro groaned as Keith went to pick it up and give it to Shiro and…

Keith now held Shiro’s underwear, just casually, as Kosmo wagged his tail and wiggled with pride. Shiro snatched the underwear from Keith’s hands before he could acknowledge them.

“I’m so sorry, I don’t know what’s gotten into him.” Keith apologized, watching Shiro scoop up the rest of his clothes, and _nope, the hand towel did not wrap all the way around._

“It’s not your fault, I’m just… uh… gonna get dressed… now.”

“Yeah.” Keith said, still staring.

“Yeah.”

When Keith realized he was still staring and wondering if he could make Shiro go even more red, he snapped to attention, turning towards the wall.

He covered his face. “I’m so sorry about Kosmo. He kind of just does whatever he wants.”

Shiro laughed, a little bit too high pitched to be completely comfortable. “Yeah, I can tell.”

Shiro was getting dressed behind him and Keith did everything he could not to focus on every single slide of cloth against skin, every brush of his bed as Shiro grabbed his things. He should probably say something, make it less awkward. Or would it be more awkward?

Before he could figure it out, Kosmo nuzzled at his hand as if to say “did I do good?”, still grinning like a dog that just dragged in a dead squirrel, and then Shiro was rushing out of the room, hastily dressed with a quick apology and a slammed door.

* * *

 

In the following weeks, Keith discovered that Shiro showered a lot. Sometimes twice in a day, if he was really worked up.

Sometimes, Kosmo would bring Keith a pile of clothes twice in a day. It got to the point that if Kosmo blinked up next to Keith, the first thing he would check for is a pair of white briefs in his mouth. More often than not, he found exactly that. Sometimes, Kosmo would only grab the underwear, or the jacket, or the undershirt, or towel and sometimes, he didn’t catch it in time to bring it back to Shiro before the man himself showed up, a dripping Adonis who turned bright red, scars standing out in start contrast against the pinkening skin.

No matter how many times Keith pretended to chastise Kosmo, he kept doing it.

On the bench in front of the communal showers, with a pile of clothes clutched in his hands, Kosmo sat next to Keith with his dumb wolf grin. Keith heard the water stop, fumbling hands, and a curse.

“He did it again,” Keith said through the curtain. Shiro’s hand reached out, the curtain held so Shiro could just barely peek at Keith. Shiro did that nervous laugh again, face half hidden, and _oh my god he’s adorable_.

“I think he likes watching me have nervous breakdowns.”

Keith handed Shiro his clothes. “That’s the only explanation.”

Keith swore he saw Kosmo wink at him. Asshole.

* * *

 

“I think my dog is trying to get me laid.”

Lance huffed a laugh, scrolling on his datapad. “He sure has his work cut out for him.”

“He keeps on stealing Shiro’s clothes when he’s in the shower.”

Lance’s laugh bursted out of him. “What?!”

Keith could feel the heat reach his cheeks. “I know! What am I supposed to _do_?”

“Have you considered thanking him?”

“You’re the worst.”

“Have you considered just licking Shiro?”

_Yes_. “What’s wrong with you?! This is a real problem, Lance. Sometimes it happens twice a day!”

Lance lost it at the cafeteria table, tablet suddenly ignored. “You guys are hopeless. Lick him twice a day.”

“ _Lance!_ ”

Lance shrugged. “I’m just saying, even Kosmo is tired of your stupid dance.”

“What dance?”

Lance rolled his eyes into the back of his skull. “Are you kidding me? Have you heard the bullshit you two say to each other?”

“What are you talking about.”

“Oh my god. You don’t even have eyes.” Lance turned on his Keith impression, which meant scowling and just generally looking angry. Keith was ready to argue that he didn’t even look like that, but Lance barreled right through him. “ _You’re my everything. I will save you as many times as it takes because I love you. I will keep saving you, very dramatically, because I am dramatic and you are dramatic and we love each other. No homo, bro._ ”

Keith sputtered out his denial. “We aren’t— it’s not like that— he’s just very important to me!”

“ _He’s just very important to me_. You just said that, out loud, in denial of the fact that you should lick him. Checkmate.”

Keith was ready to launch into a whole essay about why, he was not, in fact, pining for Shiro, when Kosmo blinked up next to him and dropped a pair of briefs with a Wonder Woman print in his lap.

He groaned and Lance didn’t stop laughing until Keith left the room.

* * *

 

“How do I get him to _stop_?”

Pidge shrugged, turning back to her soldering. She was making a robot or something, Keith didn’t know.

“Hunk, what should he do?”

“Kiss him?” Hunk said, absorbed in his tinkering.

“Hunk!”

“What! I mean, if I could teleport and was the kind of person to, you know, steal things and generally make trouble, which I’m not, I’d be doing to same thing. It’s about time.”

Pidge nodded. “Take advantage. Kosmo is already getting him naked and in your room, and I’m pretty sure that’s the hard part.”

“What does— are you _all_ trying to get us together?”

“Yeah, buddy, we are.” Hunk said, like it was nothing. “Lance and Allura are finally figuring it out so it’s your turn.”

“What do you— Shiro doesn’t like me like that.” Keith said.

“But you like him like that?” Pidge said, still, somehow, completely focused on her robot.

“I don’t—“ Hunk cut him off with a look. Keith sighed.

“You guys are no help.”

Pidge laughed. Everyone was _laughing_ at him today. The nerve! It wasn’t funny when Shiro showed up, bright red and dripping wet and embarrassed as hell…

Definitely not funny.

* * *

 

“Ah yes, the independence of a cosmic wolf. We had tales of their greatness back on Altea.”

“Coran, I’m not sure cosmic wolves existed when Altea did.” Allura said, glow surrounding her as she spoke with Atlas’ crystal.

“But still, I’m sure I heard about them at some point or another. I have a lot of stories to tell, and I’m sure one of them is about cosmic wolf training.”

Coran began to count off his story-based skills before Allura interrupted him.

“Lance said that you should have fun with it, maybe consider that! I could never live with such a beast but I’m sure he thinks he’s helping you. Let him.”

Keith ran his hands down his face.

Coran, having continued to tick off skills on his fingers, finally concluded. “No, sorry, I’ve scanned the whole database,” he tapped his head, “but I don’t think I have any special tricks for cosmic wolves. Maybe try giving him snackums? All animals respond to snacks!”

* * *

 

Keith gave up on Kosmo. Every single morning, Keith would wake up to a happily thumping tail and a pile of clothes at the foot of his bed, one that Keith would diligently return to Shiro before it could become a Thing.

It was Shiro’s stress showering that really threw a wrench in the works. Those came in the middle of the day or the middle of the night or at all the wrong times.

He was running drills with the MFE pilots, showing them maneuvers he’d spent ages mastering with the blades.

“You know how touchy the throttles can be, but if you properly adjust for lift you can take off almost immediately and cut the engines as soon as you hit atmo, they’re a lot more sensitive and you still have the momentum to maneuver. That’s the best way to save energy out there.”

His impending demonstration of sick aerial stunts was cut short, as always, by Kosmo, a towel and pair of pants clutched in his happy maw. Keith tried his best to ignore it.

James rolled his eyes and got into his own MFE, shortly followed by Kinkade and Leif, who were completely uninterested in his personal life.

Rizavi on the other hand…

“…Did your wolf just hand deliver you Captain Shirogane’s pants?!”

Keith put on his best face of denial. “What? No! Why would he do that?”

He shoved Kosmo behind his legs as Rizavi cackled. “Griffin! Kinkade! Keith’s space wolf is trying to get him laid!”

“We don’t care, Riz, get in you plane.” Griffin said from his cockpit as he buckled in.

“A relationship between the head of Voltron and captain of Atlas may prove noteworthy.”

Keith could almost feel Griffin roll his eyes. “Not to me.”

“Tactically, it may change their behaviors.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Keith interrupted, “I am _not_ in a relationship with Shiro.”

Rizavi grabbed her helmet, still laughing. “Not yet!” and she disappeared into her MFE with a wink.

* * *

 

It had become a routine. Kosmo would wake Keith up with clothes, Keith would groan and bring them back to Shiro while Kosmo trotted along happily.

Shiro would blush, Keith would blush, Kosmo would make that dumb proud face, and neither of them talked about it.

When Keith got out of his own shower to find the bench he’d left his towel and clothes on empty, the routine changed. He swore up a storm, looking under every bench and in every (unoccupied) stall before Shiro peeked his head into the showers, eyes averted.

“Looks like Kosmo is changing it up.” He extended the pile of neatly folded clothes from behind the door.

“Ugh, I’m so sorry about him.” Keith said through the door. Shiro’s laugh vibrated through it.

“It’s okay. I just wonder _why_. I mean, if it was a smell thing he’d just take it from my drawer, right? And now he’s stealing yours? I don’t get it.”

Was Shiro seriously not seeing it? He’d always been dense when it came to romance, but after being almost naked in front of Keith every day for a few weeks, he would have thought something might have clicked.

“…I don’t know.”

Keith put all his energy into getting dressed as quickly as possible. Of course Shiro didn’t get it; he didn’t see Keith like that, he wouldn’t even think that Kosmo was trying to set them up. It probably never even crossed his mind. That was fine.

Shiro sighed. “Maybe he’ll tell us. Right, buddy?”

Kosmo tippy tapped in the hall.

“Maybe.”

* * *

 

Kosmo got bolder and bolder with his deliveries. He didn’t just bring them to Keith anymore, he would _hide_ Shiro’s clothes, make Keith go on a hunt for them. He didn’t just take them at shower time; he snatched clean shirts right from Keith’s hands when he was getting dressed in the morning.

Keith woke up early, before Kosmo’s daily reminder that Shiro was naked and wet somewhere, and headed to breakfast. He’d gone to bed early and gotten a full night’s sleep for the first time in a while and was excited to fit in an early morning run, maybe even catch Shiro at the track or in the gym.

He was humming when he got the the empty cafeteria. It was going to be a good day, he could feel it.

And that was when he heard Kosmo’s blink, something pulling at the back of his shirt, and Kosmo was gone, along his his fucking shirt.

_Asshole._ “Kosmo! Where did you go?”

A flash of light, and Keith turned, ready to chastise him, and then Kosmo was gone again, as were his pants.

_I fucking hate that wolf_.

He wandered the halls, beet red, when he caught the familiar sight of Shiro’s ass, wandering the same halls, yelling the same damn wolf’s name.

Keith sighed.

So this was the master plan. Get them naked in a hallway and hope for the best. Keith had to give him credit, it was a pretty good plan for a dog that didn’t even know how to play fetch, all things considered.

“I’m going to fire that wolf,” he said, “he really kind of sucks.”

Shiro jumped and turned to Keith. “At least he left you with your underwear!”

What a pretty shade of pink.

Kosmo barked on the other side of Shiro and disappeared. “I think he wants us to follow him.”

“Yeah.”

“Sorry about the whole…” Shiro gestured at himself “…this?”

“Why are you apologizing? My dumb dog keeps stealing your clothes and I get to see you naked all the time.”

Shiro’s pink went red and Keith realized what he had just said. “I mean… uh…”

“What?”

Keith looked for a way to backtrack, but finding none, he plowed right on through. “I mean, you know what he’s doing?”

Shiro blinked at him and Keith wiped his face with both hands. “You’re really going to make me say it, aren’t you?”

“Wh-what?”

Keith had thought he was the blind one. This wasn’t how he wanted to do it, but fuck, this was too much. In his underwear in a public hallway with a wet, naked Shiro at 6AM. Why not.

“Kosmo’s trying to get us together.”

Shiro gaped at him in disbelief. “Us?!” His voice hung at the unnatural pitch of someone trying to be cool.

“Is that so hard to believe?”

Shiro looked like he was trying to remember how to breathe. “I thought— you keep calling me brother, I just—“

“Wait, do you seriously not know I’m into you?!”

“Uh, I just—“

Keith couldn’t stop himself from laughing. “Shiro, I’ve had a crush on you since we met. I can’t believe you don’t know. Kosmo thinks he’s helping.”

Kosmo, the asshole, chose that moment to drop a pile of clothes between them. Shiro scurried to grab his underwear and Kosmo, the asshole, grinned before blinking away again. Getting dressed in the middle of the hallway was a hurried affair, made especially awkward by the fact that Shiro refused to look at Keith.

When they finished dressing, Shiro just shifted from foot to foot, like he wanted to run away.

“I guess he’s happy now,” Keith said “maybe you can shower in peace.”

He refused to let the heartbreak show on his face when he turned around. “Keith—“

Shiro stopped Keith’s departure with a hand on his wrist. The look Shiro gave him got stuck in his throat, eyes shining with something that Keith couldn’t read. The hand drifted down and intertwined with his fingers. Shiro seemed to be fascinated with the way their fingers fit together, his mouth just barely open as he breathed. Somewhere in the motion, Shiro had moved into his space and Keith couldn’t look away.

“You told me you loved me, once.” Shiro all but whispered.

“Yeah,” Keith said, “I did.”

Shiro’s eyes shot up, struck through with something like regret. “Did?”

Keith grinned, letting the past tense ring in the air, letting Shiro squirm for just a second, before he corrected. “Do.”

Shiro melted, a tension that Keith didn’t even know he’d been holding melting away. God, Shiro just went _soft_ , his smile like the moon, waxing into something to take Keith’s breath away.

“Do,” he repeated, moving his lips to ghost over Keith’s, “present tense.”

Keith searched Shiro’s eyes, and finding nothing but an overwhelming sense of _finally_ , Keith closed the distance.

Lips seared against his, Shiro’s still-wet hair between his fingers. Keith pushed into it, tried to pour the years of love, the years of _home_ into Shiro, and Shiro opened himself for it. Keith licked along Shiro’s lips, breathing in time with him. Shiro gripped Keith’s shoulders and let him take the lead, pressing Shiro into the wall.

Keith’s free hand ran down Shiro’s back, kneading against every muscle, every scar he kept seeing but finally got to touch.

Keith grinned against Shiro’s lips, pressed his forehead against Shiro’s, and _finally_ , blissfully, grabbed his ass.

Shiro yelped, eyes gone wide. Keith took the moment to steal another kiss.

“Been wanting to do that for a while.”

Shiro laughed, falling against Keith’s shoulders.

“Thanks, Kosmo.”

**Author's Note:**

> twitter [@oldmythos](https://twitter.com/oldmythos)
> 
> tumblr [@oldmythos](http://oldmythos.tumblr.com)


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